breathing, but silent. watching. waiting. again and again and again. come to my window tonight, beast, and my flesh shall dance. ribbons of twilight encompass your violent eyes until I’m lost in a swirling mist. my razorblade smile draws beads of crimson roses. a tributary from the great river I yearn for. liquid red swabbed with velvet lying just below your porcelain crust. humour me, my feast, and wrap that probing tongue around my blade.

through these puddles doused, drenched

i see myself again and again

each time more confusing than the last

then finally with bruised and broken remnants

of the former me

i become

god-like

a realization

bringing me back

to the memory of each stone being placed

a bright light breaks through

leaving you

no choice but to find

comfort in me

this rusted cage

swinging

me back and forth from reality

to insanity

i cannot find

comfort in either

my escape is made

right {correct?} within myself

a fetal glimpse

a nuetral sin

NARMOTHERFUCKINGWHALS!

It has been a while since I’ve updated this page and the only reason I’m doing it now is because there is one person that actually reads it. In much shorter terms, there was a request.

To begin, it is now 1 am and officially Thanksgiving. This, to me, is the worst time of the year. I want so much to be with my family but I find myself, again and again, alone and not in the greatest of spirits. As per usual from the 25th until the 1st of the upcoming year I’m getting drunk. It isn’t because I’m lonely and depressed but because now it seems to be a necessity. Even now I’m alone after a “get together” with good friends and I can’t think of a single memorable moment. Nothing to write home about as it were. No stories to pass on to future generations. Perhaps a list will help my ever slumping mood. People love lists. (<- my favorite sentence*)

Things I love right now:

1. Putting on socks right out of the dryer.

2. Listening to music that my brother has been a part of.

3. Drinking coffee on my balcony first thing in the morning.

… fuck the list. This is boring. The first thing at the top of the “Things I Hate” list would be writing about my boring life to other people that are bored with theirs. Maybe this holiday season will be different. I’ll try optimism on for a while. I’ll slip it on first thing in the morning like an old pair of sweats and I’ll wear it out in public. I’ll definitely need some Christmas music Sinatra style for this endeavor.

Happy holidays

~Nick

*even though my favorite fragment is “now know”.

The photo below shows my actual notes/report from last night at work. I’ll type it out as well because you probably can’t read my perfect writing.

From the picture:

Lt.Col. ******** called @ 2135 12AUGUST08 about a real world incident involving a suspicious package in Bldg 1512 (billeting). White powder was found on the package as was a note that said, “It’s only my job.” Maj. *********** is set up in Bldg 56. Lt.Col ******** is recalling Bio and prepping two Bio-techs to investigate.

2142: I left a message for Lt.Col ****** about the situation. I called the fire department to see if they needed any additional support on the scene. None is needed at this time.

2154: Lt.Col. ****** returned the call and is fully aware of the incident.

2215: Amn. ***** called from Bio. There are 7 bio-techs on scene and 2 @ Bio. 2 cx and 3 fire are suiting up. There are 0 casualties.

2218: I called command post to exchange current info.

2253: Terminated. White substance was carpet deodorizer.

~Nick